All Out for Christmas

We give Christmas cookie tins and treat bags to, well, everyone. Everyone we like. Everyone who admired them from afar last year (my ego is easily manipulated). Everyone who earns them like the nice guys in facilities at work who keep our building functioning (they get one of the BIG tins). The guy who owns the plumbing supply shop in town both because he is incredibly helpful and knowledgeable but also because he is the most sexually magnetic person in my personal universe (Hubby: gotta go pick up new faucet stems. Me: really? [casual yawn] oh, you mean, go to that plumbing supply store? well, gee, I suppose I could go on over with you. drool.)

The people in the neighborhood who do my favorite light displays. Neighbors on three sides. Mailman. Hair stylist. The chiropractor. The totally awesome shop that takes care of Nadia (our car). The guy who sells Hubby his work shirts (this is where outstanding customer service pays off). The real nice woman at the dry cleaners. Liz at “Liz’s Alterations” (seamstress – I totally recommend her above Minsky’s in Lansing – less expensive, better service, and well, Liz). I carry treat bags with me everywhere I go for people I forgot and people who look like they could use one – like tired sales clerks. I’m Santa Claus with chocolate dipped Oreos.

Of course, I’ve also made cookies for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family including special batches of everything that has nuts sans nuts for my grandma who can’t have them. Plus every Christmas and New Year’s party either Hubby or me or both of us has been invited to plus his work plus my work. The freezer is cookies. That’s all. Just cookies.

OK. Explanation needed at this point. Cookie tins go to GROUPS of people, like shops of mechanics, the chiropractor’s office where they have multiple staff members, families with kids at home.

Treat bags that consist of totally awesome chocolate dipped Oreos drizzled with white chocolate in this totally awesome and pleasing way and sometimes with chocolate dipped pineapple and apricots depending on what I felt like while I was making the treat bag go to INDIVIDUALS – either single people or married people when I don’t know your spouse.

How much I like you DOES NOT play a part in which holiday present you receive. This is a matter of human volume. If you cannot accept that, JUST ASK for a tin. My ego is easily beguiled and I will be over-joyed to get shy little emails saying, “I think I rate a whole tin, SnakeLady.” Make my day.

OK, so I’ve been baking for well over a week. On two days I baked all day. Every night I’ve made a batch of cookies. Some nights I made two. Oh, and I did ALL MY OWN DISHES. And made dinner every night, we never ate out. (Can you tell I am all about myself over this?) Here’s the list:

• 9X13 pan of double chocolate brownies
• 9X13 pan of lemon bars with freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 9X13 pan of magic bars with extra layer of peanut butter chips
• 9X13 pan of magic bars with extra layer of toffee chips
• Double batch of Swedish wedding cookies (those white ball cookies rolled in powdered sugar)
• Double batch of peanut butter cookies with a Hershey’s kiss in the middle
• Single batch of cocoa chocolate cookies with a Hershey’s kiss in the middle
• Quadruple batch of chocolate dipped macaroons (my signature cookie)
• Triple batch of lace cookies (oatmeal cookies with a ridiculous amount of butter that fan out like lace when they cook and get a spread of melted chocolate chips on top – my brother’s favorite cookie. He gets a private stash.)
• Double batch of chocolate chip
• Two packages of oreos dipped in this chocolate so special you can’t even purchase it in Lansing (I figured this out when I tried to buy more after my initial 5 pounds played itself out) drizzled with white chocolate (I am inordinately proud of these – they look awesome!)
• Chocolate dipped dried apricots drizzled with red chocolate (white chocolate dyed red)
• Two packages of dried pineapple, chocolate dipped and drizzled with red and white chocolate.
• 3 loaves of pumpkin bread
• 1 pending loaf of banana bread for my brother – a traditional gift.

Delivery time! And don’t delay with the “Hey b*tch, whole tin, here, now” messages or they might get distributed to someone less deserving because I had to get rid of them before Christmas.