Mirror Choices

This summer I made some bad choices. Not important bad choices. They only affect me when I look in the mirror.

When summer started I found I didn’t have lightweight non-work clothes that fit so I bought two pair of capris and two tops. The capris are great. The tops are the problem. They are, arguably, the ugliest things I have ever worn in public.

The tops were the cheapest cotton tops I could find. I wasn’t planning to fit into them beyond the one season. And they so look it. They are a disgusting lime green that bares only a passing resemblance to the popular greens going around these days, and a day-glo orange. And they add a good twenty pounds to my appearance.  Every time I put them on I think, Wow! great to have some new summer clothes. Then I glance in the mirror and think, Whoa, I look like crap.

But the shirts are SO COMFY. Loose and soft and yummy. I am drawn to them. I desire them. As long as I don’t look at them. Michigan’s weather is putting a damper on short sleeved shirt of any comfort level so now I’m just wearing them in PT – but they are also the only shirts I have right now that are good for PT – easy to move in, easy to work in, and I wear them with soft, easy-to-move-in pants that do not match either of the shirts cause while someone is apparently selling day-glo orange shirts, no one is selling pants that coordinate that particular shade.

I seek out my therapists in the hallway in my work clothes with my hair done. I have fantasies of working a comment like, “Yeah, I clean up good,” with a casual little, that-was-a-throw-away-comment smile. So far I haven’t seen any of them in the hallway. But I have hope.