Christmas Cookie Secret Break Down

Remember the neighbor who delivers Christmas cookies? OK, what I didn’t say is that he takes the opportunity of his yearly Christmas cookie deliveries to play Mr. FBI and grill us about how we take care of the house. It sounds funny but I swear this guy must have been a cop because it is downright intimidating when he does it and I just fold. (Besides, his wife is the only person making and delivering Christmas cookies to ME and I am not going to give that up.)

Actually, I never did tell you about him. Mainly because I spent 45 minutes sobbing after my first encounter with him. I told him we were putting up a fence and he berated me, delivering the final line: I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR HOUSE AND I HAVE SEEN YOUR STOVE AND YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS PUTTING MONEY INTO A FENCE. Fence. Fence. Fence. Fence Now. I kid you not that he actually said that. With venom.

Every time we buy anything now we joke that we hope Fred (yes, his real name) will see the delivery truck. Unfortunately, our garage/entry point for such things as appliances is on the other corner of the street from him.

In any case, when he delivers cookies he grills me about what we’ve done with the house. This year he asked if we’d intended to cut back the hydrangeas so far. He leaned in and did not smile. He said those hydrangeas were important to the look of the house. To the look of his house by extension. He had not yet handed over the cookies. I laughed and said it was an accident. I pointed out that we had cleaned up the pine trees.. “Well, some people like that” he said. To be honest? I am so frickin’ thrilled with the cookies the yearly interrogative trade off seems pretty good.

This is all a lead up to the hydrangea debacle but before I get into that I thought I should let you know it isn’t just that we messed up with the hydrangeas. WE GOT CAUGHT AT IT.

Plus, I have not yet figured out how, next Christmas, to show him my brandy new Jenn-Air stove with the 5 burners, gas top, and two electric and convection ovens. Well, it’s not installed yet. I suppose I do have time to think about it.