Ramadan 2

We’re about half-way through Ramadan now. I’m not fasting every day, but I’m doing pretty well.

Some days are easier than others. Those are the days I think, “I’ll make it til the end of the month! I can do this!” Some days are harder. Those are the days I think, “I’m going to give up. This is my last day.”

And there’s no telling which kind of day it will be when I start.

The good days are the days I feel closer to God. That’s really the whole point of this. A “good” day doesn’t have much to do with how hungry or thirsty or tired I am. It has to do with whether I feel in constant communication with God, whether that path feels open for me to just reach out with my mind and be met with a positive response. To take little sips of the Almighty throughout the hours. That keeps me going. Because on the good days I can feel God’s presence.

On the bad days it’s just what you’d imagine going without food and water is like. My blood sugar is low. I’m crabby. I get caffeine headaches. I’m low energy and want to take a nap. But what really defines a bad day for me is when I don’t feel God’s presence. That’s when I wonder why I’m even doing this. When I wonder what the point is of even trying. When my efforts feel like they’re going into a black hole.

I remind myself that it’s a religious obligation. I remind myself that it’s not optional and however much else of my religion I ignore, I’m in the process of not ignoring this, right here, and right now, for a whole month long.

And I remind myself that patience yields fruit. A “good” day could be just one day away.