Ramadan 3

Fasting isn’t easy but I’m finding that it’s preferable to skipping out.

The main reasons why I haven’t been fasting on certain days have to do with perceived endurance. If I’m looking ahead at a long day where I don’t think I’m going to be able to fast and still get through all of the activities and responsibilities expected of me, I choose not to fast. I haven’t even been trying on those “hard days,” even when my medication schedule would permit it. In short it’s a lack of faith. A lack of faith that there’s enough God in my life to see me through. I don’t feel good about this and as the month continues I’m pushing the envelope. Now I fast on days that in the beginning I would have taken a pass on and I find I have more strength than I thought. I haven’t had to break a fast yet, but perhaps that wouldn’t be the end of the world either. At least I could have said that I tried.

But don’t get me wrong. I am not wonder woman. I could not manage the summer fasting hours given the rest of the demands in my life. The compromise on the fasting schedule that I’ve made this Ramadan has made it possible for me to participate

I’m also “better” at fasting now than when I first converted. I’ve learned a few cardinal lessons the hard way. Always eat a satiating morning meal, even if you’re not hungry. Push fluids before the fast begins, you’ll be glad you did. And get enough sleep. Sleep is absolutely critical.

The thing that I’m missing most this Ramadan is breaking my fast with other Muslims. I’m breaking my fast alone, and I’m hungry on a schedule that isn’t in sync with Hubby on many nights. I’m thinking about reaching out to some Muslim friends in a neighboring town and asking if I could join them one evening but it feels awkward. Sure, there are Muslims that only go to the mosque on the holidays, just like there are Christians that only go to church on Christmas Eve, but I feel like such an outsider now that it’s difficult to reach out.