I’ve been thinking about the role of obligation in religion. Of submitting one’s will to God through belief and action.
Obeying objective rules such as daily prayer and dietary restrictions and fasting plays a large part in what religion currently means for me. It’s what I believe in. It’s the path I know to reach God’s grace, the method by which I find connection with the Almighty.
I remember that when I was younger (think: teenage years, around the time of my conversion), I could feel God’s grace and what I interpreted as favor readily, easily. It was magnificent. During prayer I could feel God’s presence (although I would never go so far as to say that God ever personally communicated anything to me beyond a sense of approval. The idea of all individuals having access to prophethood is far from my personal experience.).
This was not part of a generalized sense of well-being. I was a teen and there was plenty that I was quite frustrated with and miserable about. But my relationship with God was a reliable source of intense satisfaction and, sometimes, transcendent joy. It produced the kind of feelings that I remember, and act on, even now, when my life delivers a sense of general well-being but my spiritual experience lacks radiance.
My moments of intense connection with God are few and far between now while the observation of religious duty is a daily ritual. Often comforting, sometimes confining, sometimes even chaffing.
What I have are a set of rules for behavior that I have settled for. Some follow Islamic guidelines, some don’t. I don’t eat pork. I do drink alcohol. I give money in charity but not the full amount prescribed or in the proper way. I fast during Ramadan to the best of my ability (not every day). I pray, but not 5 times a day. I recite the Koran but I don’t study it. I’ve decided to seek religious community but at the moment I’m not seeking it with other Muslims. I try to follow the Golden Rule.
These rituals are, for me, the surest path I know to feel God’s presence and half the power of faith in my life. As I consider experiencing a faith community other than Islam, particularly one that doesn’t have the same belief in religious obligation, I find that I don’t want to give those obligations up.
Let me be clear that I fully support other people’s right to experience God in any way they so choose, to whatever degree or to no degree, and that I don’t feel judgy about people who simply take a pass on God, religion and/or faith. Or on the whole concept of religious obligation. But it’s not my way. It’s not the way I want to live.
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