This week I met via Skype with JMD, the spiritual director from The Hermitage. We’ve agreed to meet monthly through June with an option to renew for another six months. I’m very much looking forward to this process.
I’m still recovering from a bad flu this week and I was too worn down to get into any topic too deeply, so we only met for a half session. However, I was very happy to touch base and establish ground rules, expectations, and initial topics before breaking for the holidays.
The first thing J did was attempt to light a candle to remind us that God was with us. I really liked that touch and made a mental note to get my own candle for future sessions. Then she established a moment of silence and invited me to begin speaking when I felt ready.
My brain was a little scrambled from illness, a long day, and a big work project that has me barreling through my December like a house on fire, and I was mostly focused on practical matters this first session. I had just taken a shower and I smiled into the low-quality camera from beneath a head of wet hair atop a comfy robe and slippers. JMD was still dressed for work and we agreed that in future, sweatpants were definitely acceptable for our meetings if they fit into where we were in our days. Whew! Asking me to stay dressed in work clothes longer than about 15 minutes after I get home calls on a level of formality that I am ill-equipped to reach.
I told her that I felt a little unfocused about my spiritual life right now but I could point to several areas where I would like to explore:
- I want to look at how I’m living up to the Five Pillars of Islam and other religious duties/moral obligations I’ve taken to heart. I want to make sure that I’ve properly considered what I need to be doing for the sake of my spiritual life – and where I can change if need be to reach my own standards.
- I want to explore some of the ideas from When Bad Things Happen to Good People and what Kushner is saying about the nature of God. In particular, seeing God as a comforter rather than as a judge.
- I am curious about the well of faith that some people have that buoys them in good times and bad. I want to have it, too. My faith suffers during hard times. Honestly? It’s been a while since I’ve had truly hard times, but they are inevitable. The death of loved oned. Disappointments in critical relationships. Financial, health, or other hardships. I’d like to be able to rely on my faith, and know it’s going to be there for me during the tough spots. What does it take to have that kind of faith? What’s the mindset of people who possess it? What are their attitudes about God?
I’ve asked for writing assignments, or thoughts to consider, and unless something touches on overly personal or sensitive topics, I’ll use this forum to explore those ideas.
It’s December 21 and normally at this time of year my thoughts have turned to a combined Christmas and New Years vacation from work, holiday parties, and getting together with friends and family. Unfortunately, despite our tree with its ornaments happily announcing their individual Christmas memories, I’m having trouble getting into the holiday spirit. As I mentioned earlier, illness and a big work project have me preoccupied with successfully managing my tasks for each day rather than taking time to slow down and reflect on 2018, or where I want to go from here. I’ll make a point of blogging about both of those things in the coming weeks.
As far as Christmas celebrations themselves, Dragon and I are going to the Sunday morning service at All Saints Episcopal Church on the day before Christmas Eve to sing carols and experience a little high church beauty and awe.
Last year, I served as an usher on Christmas Eve and I was informed by my brother that this year I was not! excused! from the family roll call under our mother’s tree so I will be with my family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Have a joyful holiday.
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