Eid, which began June 4 this year, is the three-day celebration that ends the month of Ramadan. I’m straddling two competing emotions right now: the resentment I mentioned last week that I really want to let go of, and gratitude, which seems to me to be the perfect antidote.
Let’s go all-in for gratitude for a moment. I have a lot to be grateful for.
June 4 also happened to be the date for the bi-annual adaptive technology conference that Hubby started 19 years ago; I help out. This time it attracted over 200 attendees – the biggest crowd ever. Some of their stories are amazing. Visually impaired people who are also wheelchair users — as well as presenters with standing-room-only sessions. Blind people who travel abroad on their own – but only mention it as an aside when making another point. A deaf-blind man with cochlear implants in a biker outfit with a ponytail longer than my own, tenderly holding his wife’s hand. Blind fathers who brought their whole families along.
Hubby is blind, and Dragon is too. It drives Dragon crazy when she hears about blind people being inspirational to sighted people. She doesn’t want to be thought of as an inspiration. But it wasn’t just folks with significant limitations and a great attitude that impressed me.
On our way out, Hubby stopped by Guest Services to give a shout-out to the conference staff. He talked about how even the custodial staff stopped to lend a hand to people with disabilities who were doctoring a cup of coffee, or finding a desired room. We had a lot of staff there to help attendees, but it can be pretty overwhelming to work with 200 visually impaired people. It’s easy to turn away. They didn’t.
Both the attendees and the staff showed me how unhelpful resentment is. How wonderful it is instead to enjoy your life, whatever has been handed to you.
On Day Two of Ramadan I was gifted with a wonderful dream about Bethesda. She came through my bedroom window to visit me. She was a kitten again, fluffy and healthy. I got to hold her and she was wearing a purple collar (my favorite color). What’s more, she was accompanied by her Mama Cat so I would know she’s being well cared for. It was wonderful.
And finally, on Wednesday evening I got together with Marie, Dragon, and Beth to celebrate Eid. We met at a Middle Eastern restaurant, feasted, and talked about our experiences around fasting Ramadan this month. What it meant to us spiritually as well as practically. We were able to laugh and joke about the more difficult aspects, as well as reflect on what the practice means to us at a deeper level. They each showed a great reverence for the holiday, including making charitable contributions in its honor, and I was moved by their generosity. Marie and Dragon gave of their spiritual, emotional and physical energy this month by fasting with me, and Beth followed along on my blog. And all three of them were such a buoy to my spirits. Ramadan was hard this year.
We had a great time at the restaurant – just like Eid should be – and right up my alley: hummus and God-talk. I have wonderful friends.
I’m trying to let go of my resentment over how difficult Ramadan 2019 was for me. I truly have a wonderful life. Nothing happened to me that is out of the range of normal human experiences this month. It was all just a bit much to happen so close together. And the guilt over the days I didn’t fast compounds the problem. Maybe I need a little distance. Maybe I need some concerted prayer. I’m going to give it some time. Patience in all things.
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