What seriously sparks the interest of two middle aged Muslim converts for whom religion is a central drama of life?: Seeing a spiritual advisor. Mariko texted me asking for updates on my experience with this when I began it. #LivingVicariously.
I met JMD professionally last fall when I visited The Hermitage, a retreat center known for observing silence. I spent three days there and she was my advisor. Then, we arranged to Skype monthly January through June. Originally, I planned to blog about it, but some things are just too personal. Also, we mainly talked about process. I was in the middle of a lot of different thoughts about my religious nature and my path forward (hence, I hired a spiritual advisor).
First, a little more about JMD. She has good insights about how to approach both God and religion. And it goes without saying that she’s open to the Muslim experience (although, like Dragon, she has a preference for the Sufis. Come to think of it, so do the UUs.). She went to seminary and so has “real credentials” and is Mennonite. She lives and works full time at the retreat center which is associated with the Mennonites. She’s also a writer.
So, to catch you up on my last six months of the process that JMD helped me to nurture: I’ve been attending Unitarian Universalist services again since the first of the year. In that time, a new minister has been hired who will begin in August. I really like him. And I really like this congregation: the services which are called Celebrations in the UU tradition, the opportunities for volunteering and giving back, my seat buddy who I share the weekly experience with. I feel comfortable and at home there. I belong.
JMD and I examined the Principles of the UU tradition and compared each one to Islam, looking for similarities and differences. They stacked up well beside each other and there were no fundamental theological differences. No conflicts making the two incompatible. Mariko sent me a couple of articles by others who are pursuing both paths at once and refer to themselves as UU Muslims (one, a UU minister) as well as a podcast by an Imam who talks about the similarities between the two faiths. You can check them out here:
JMD and I also evaluated my adherence to, and belief in, the five pillars of Islam: prayer, fasting, giving to charity, making the pilgrimage to Mecca, and the statement of belief: I believe that there is no God but God and Muhammad is His Messenger. For the record, I’m batting 4 out of 5. The hajj is almost certainly not a part of my future. However, we looked regularly at the others as I made efforts to improve my practice in these areas.
My church tour of last year was really valuable. I’m more informed now about what’s out there. I’m also more firmly seated in my beliefs after exposure to a variety of others. To each there own and there is no compulsion in religion and I am not a Christian. I completely opened myself to the possibility of conversion last year and came down on the No side. A belief in Christ as savior and son of God is a simple but unavoidable requirement for most Christian churches. I respect that tradition, and believe that Jesus was a prophet, but it’s not for me.
The UUs accept me and celebrate my joys and sorrows with me. I can fast during Ramadan and that’s valued. From the pulpit. And I agree with and rally around the UU principles. Some of that is undoubtedly due to being raised by atheists in the Bible Belt. I learned to walk and respect an in-between path. To know, in my bones, that a diversity of beliefs as well as a genuine respect for others’ values is necessary to a healthy community. Furthermore, I simply want to be a part of this UU congregation. I genuinely enjoy them.
So, I plan to continue to attend UU services with my seat buddy. I plan to do more to support the church and I will almost certainly do some additional volunteering but I’m still figuring out exactly how.
I also plan to attend the monthly Islam 101 classes at the masjid with Dragon and Beth. It’s a year-long program. I want to spend time at the mosque, praying and learning. At my core, I am still Muslim. There is no God but God and Muhammad is His Messenger. I believe this with my head, and with my heart.
I’ve been to two classes now and neither time did I make my religious affiliation known by wearing a hijab or entering the women’s hall to pray. I’ve also never spoken with the Imam one-on-one. I feel like I’m hiding in plain sight and it feels a little awkward.
Mariko calls what I’m feeling now Ramadan Rebound and says not only does she feel it too but that it is more common than Muslims are willing to admit. I feel frustrated that despite all my good intentions and all my hard work, I only ended up fasting 12 days. 12 days for all that!
But I can still feel God right beside me. That’s the most important thing. My feelings of guilt and resentment are fading and I just started praying again, and finding peace and comfort in the practice. I’m counting on patience and faith to see me through to the other side of Ramadan Rebound.
JMD and I left the door open between us but we don’t have further sessions scheduled. I’m considering going back to The Hermitage in the fall. It’s a good way to end a stressful fall travel schedule. Three days of prayer and silence.
I feel like my spiritual work is right on schedule despite this post-Ramadan bump in the road. I feel no need to hurry.
Plum Librarian LLC 