Whopper Freak Out

Passing along a YouTube video, with a SnakeLadyLibrarian story to go along with it. But watch the video first: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WVm84MD4vU4
’cause my story makes more sense that way. The first 30 seconds of the video pretty much tells the whole tale.

I worked at Burger King three times. Two full summers and most of one school year. I also worked at McDonald’s (Genuine drive-thru Princess here. That’s the choice position for workers who care about their status at fast food restaurants – they only put the fast, hard workers there. Me, I worked the drive-thru. Because my status as a hard working McDonald’s employee matters.) I also worked at Pizza Hut. I once fell in a puddle of fry grease and finished out my 8-hour shift dripping lard from my waist to my ankle without asking to go home early*. But, OK, back to the story related to the YouTube video.

The broiler – “flame broiled Whoppers” (it’s true) – at the restaurant where I worked was on its last legs. The franchise owner didn’t want to buy a new one. So, not so unregularly, the broiler would die and we would not have burgers of any kind. We would have:

• BK broiler (chicken – different broiler)
• Fried chicken sandwiches
• Chicken tenders
• Big Fish

And no, we weren’t allowed to put up a sign saying we didn’t have hamburgers. We had to tell everyone individually. This is when I worked the front counter (there wasn’t a drive-thru there where my talents would have been better utilized at this location). The lines on the days when the broiler died were the longest. Folks just couldn’t get it through their heads that they couldn’t get a Whopper and all the transactions took three times as long.

“Whopper meal.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, our broiler is temporarily out of service. I can offer you a BK broiler, a fried chicken sandwich, chicken tenders or a Big Fish sandwich.”

Blank stare. “I’ll take just a hamburger then.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, we have no beef entrees this afternoon.”

She looks behind me, thinking maybe I had them hidden. “You have no beef?”

“No ma’am, but we have a variety of chicken and fish options, we have french fries, and we have a choice of lemon or apple pies.”

“This is bullshit.” She throws her purse over her shoulder and glares at me. She wears a business suit and heels but doesn’t hesitate to swear at the Burger King attendant in the basement Burger King of downtown Ann Arbor (yes, it’s a basement Kinkos now).

Blank stare from me while I think, “I hope the person behind her is listening so I don’t have to repeat all this.” But inevitably I did. The person in front of you being denied a Whopper is not you. That’s a reality happening to someone else. Surely the broiler reality will have changed in the 15 seconds it takes for your turn to come up.

“I’ll take a Whopper junior meal,” wise smile on his face – he has ordered neither a Whopper nor a hamburger.

“I’m sorry sir, we have no beef entrees this afternoon. I can offer you a BK broiler, a fried chicken sandwich, chicken tenders or a Big Fish sandwich.”

“Then I’ll take a hamburger,” looking in his wallet, not at me, while he makes this last-ditch effort for beef that even he knows is not going to work but I guess he figures he has to try.

Repeat the part about chicken, fish, fries and pies. Anyone with even a vague spark of humor about the situation would get my special, secret, authentic Burger King employee knowledge: ask for the lemon pie right out of the freezer, better than the defrosted ones in the counter fridge.

People really do freak out when they can’t get a Whopper. And then they really do tell you that they’re high and need a Whopper.

*Note on finishing out my shift dripping lard and not asking to go home. This is a family thing. My great uncle worked all day having a heart attack and died, flat out expired, ten minutes after getting home. But he finished his shift.