Armies

If you’ve been around me and hubby lately you’ve probably seen that hubby has a weird, disquieting strangeness going on with his right arm and hand. It started last fall with marble-like hardnesses in his forearm. Over the past 8 months – through 4 doctors, X-rays, MRIs, and, finally, a biopsy – it has spread. His fingers on his right hand are swollen and hard and he can’t make a fist any longer.

We’ve had lots of time to be weirded out by this as it has steadily spread. To complicate matters, this is the arm where he tore his bicep six years ago and had surgery to repair the muscle. AND he re-injured the muscle fishing last fall. So we really couldn’t figure out what’s going on.

Two doctors ago we were dealing with the surgeon who did the biopsy. He was going over the possible causes and treatments at an appointment with Hubby and said, “And if we have to amputate, we’d do it here,” drawing a diaganol line above Hubby’s elbow. Amputate? Hubby was freaked out and mournful. I was freaked out and really pissed off.

After the biopsy Surgeon H. called me in to report on how the procedure went and I b*slapped him. “Amputate? You scared the hell out of my husband and me. What is the likelihood this will be necessary?” Turned out always to have been extremely unlikely and since the biopsy was definitely off the table (kind of like his arm would have been off the table after the amputation). I glared at him. And said a few more things that in retrospect I’m not terribly proud of.

In any case, after eight months we finally have a diagnosis! He has sporotochosis. It’s an earthy infection – you get it from farming or gardening.

“Do any gardening?” the infectious disease specialist asked. He’d consulted with numerous other doctors, seen the results of the tests, and, in particular, the biopsy. They had already come up with sporotochosis as the probable diagnosis.

“That’s really her area,” Hubby says, pointing to me, “But I dug out some window wells in the fall.”

“Do you have rose bushes?”

“Yeah, took one out in fact when I was doing the window wells.”

Ding, ding, ding!

Sporotochosis comes from, primarily, being scratched by rose bushes and in bean fields. Treatment is 6 months of antibiotics taken – get this – in an acidic environment. The doctor suggests either cola or orange juice. Hubby’s two favorite beverages. He has now had Pepsi and orange juice PRESCRIBED twice a day.

We’re all very much relieved around here.