The Hermitage VI: Spiritual Direction

On my second day, I met with JMD for a period of spiritual direction.

I wasn’t sure what to expect but I did have some experiences that I was both eager and nervous to explore with someone. I was hoping she would know what to make of them. I was partially worried and partially expectant that she would just tell me what to do with those experiences: a black and white answer to a question that had been troubling me for almost a year.

She didn’t tell me what to do. She provided a new way of interpreting my experience and my thoughts about it with an historical perspective. It provided relief, and room to move forward.

JMD explored the Lansing church scene with me and we talked about my church tour. In her professional role in that religious scene she was able to provide helpful insight into the churches I’d attended. She also recommended speaking privately with a particular pastor whose church I attended 4-5 times.

There were two major realizations from my time with JMD. They were both surprising to me, and extremely helpful in establishing perspective about my religious life.

The first was to acknowledge that I had engaged in an intensive two year search for God and a religious community. And at the end I didn’t find resolution. I was disappointed. And it’s OK to be disappointed.

Just as importantly, the lack of resolution at this time doesn’t mean that I did anything wrong. I wouldn’t have come to that realization without her help. In my worldview, I just couldn’t think about my situation in a way that didn’t include a failure of some kind on my part.

She recommended returning to prayer. I started at The Hermitage and haven’t stopped. My prayers aren’t always comforting, but I have a strong sense of duty when it comes to religion. Just stopping for a few moments every day to address God feels like the right thing to do, even if it isn’t a “deep” moment every time.

And I realized through my time at The Hermitage that God is calling on me to be patient. That my job now is to wait on God to call me to His next task for me, and in the meantime to do good, to pray, and to know that God loves me.