Ramadan 2019: II: Rules and Regs

There can be a lot of pressure to fast to the letter of the law in Islam. In my location right now, that means fasting from about 5 am to about 9 pm. Assuming you’re eating alone or with family, and in your own home, that gets you to, at most, about five hours of sleep each night. If you work a regular office job, or first shift, and can’t sleep during the day, that quickly becomes impractical. A couple of years ago, my local mosque posted to its website that if you couldn’t fast according to the rules & regulations of Islam, you should quit your job.

That’s ridiculous. And, fortunately, leadership has changed at my local Islamic Center and the website no longer says anything like that.

In majority-Muslim nations, societal allowances are made. Perhaps businesses close in the afternoon so people can go home and sleep through part of the day. Sometimes, people swap out their schedules so they’re mainly up at night. In Mecca, the fasting hours, which are based on sunrise and sunset, are also much more reasonable. Sometimes, people in places like Alaska, when there is no sunset, fast on the Meccan timetable.

More importantly, Ramadan is a time to reconnect. To God. To your spirituality. To community. It’s a time to be kinder. To be more observant, yes, but in ways that bring you harmony, not misery. There’s a very famous teaching in Islam and it goes like this: if you’re not getting closer to God during Ramadan, your reward for fasting is merely hunger and thirst (read: nothing).

My spiritual director, JMD, and I were talking about Ramadan this year and she likened the rules and regulations surrounding fasting to a trellis. They are what God’s love blooms on. They’re not the purpose in and of themselves, they’re the structure that allows the more important flowering to happen.

There were years where I felt conflicted and didn’t fast because I didn’t know how to reconcile both my physical and spiritual needs (there were also many years between my conversion at 16 and now where I simply wasn’t an observant person).

I’ve come to a place where I feel comfortable with the schedule on which I fast. It has me waking up earlier than I normally do, yes, but it gets me to bed at an hour that allows for a healthy amount of sleep. And I feel good about my relationship with God. I feel like my offer of fasting has been accepted. That God knows what’s in my heart and does not seek to ask more from me than I can give.

Dragon is a testimony to fasting as you are able. She is diabetic. At first I warned her: you’re not required to fast! Don’t do anything to hurt yourself! And she isn’t. She does what feels comfortable without making her blood sugar go crazy. And y’know what? That “counts,” too. We’re all just doing the best we can with the resources and limitations that God gave us. God knows that. He knows what’s in our hearts.

Both Dragon and Marie found that not drinking fluids during the day doesn’t work for them. And that’s just fine.

What’s more, Dragon makes up her own Arabic phrases. After learning that you would wish a Muslim a joyful Ramadan by saying, “Ramadan Mubarak,” she’s taken to texting me, “Iftaar Mubarak” when she knows I’m about to break my fast. I’m not sure if that’s even a thing, but it is for us. She also makes up her own verbs, saying things like, “I’m iftaaring with Beth tonight.” One night she broke her fast with a ham and cheese sandwich. “LOL Ham!” I said. “I wasn’t thinking,” she said. “Bad, bad, faux Muslim!”

When she was part of a faith group in college, she fasted one day a week, so she has experience with the practice.

In the last several years, if I couldn’t fast the full time period I’ve set aside for myself, I wouldn’t fast at all. This year, Dragon celebrates iftaar earlier than I do so if we’re eating together, I break my fast earlier than other days. Along with the her support, and Marie’s, and Mariko’s, it means I’m experiencing more days of fasting. And Mariko reminded me very kindly not to feel guilty about the days I choose not to fast. To just not go there.

Dragon, Beth, and I went to an Islam 101 class at the mosque on the first day of Ramadan. The Imam teaches them once a month and they cover topics of common interest, mostly to non-Muslims, like the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), women in Islam, the Koran, etc. I really enjoyed it and I’d like to have that time at the mosque. I plan to go back, perhaps once month for the entire series, which is a year.

I’m having a really good Ramadan, and coming to the understanding that I’m meant to. This is a holy month, and it’s not intended to be miserable for us.