IV :: Unearned and Unearnable

My spiritual advisor JMD had encouraged me to explore God’s love through the Sufi mystics. I associate sin and God’s love with Christianity, obedience and God’s mercy with Islam. Islam is safe and quieting and beautiful in obedience and mercy.

When I meditated on the Love of God, I realized its scope.

Unearned.

Unearnable.

And acknowledging God’s love changed things. This was more than abstract Love. This had dimension. Depth. I’m not better than anyone else. Not different. But I began thinking of my worth in a new way.

Surely, if God loves me in this way, God loves ALL of me. Not just my obedience. Not just what I do in my spiritual interests. Not just talent or creativity used for good. ALL of what I bring to the table. And if He loves all that I bring, then surely I am meant to bring it.

Certainly, I will fail at times. Make mistakes. Big mistakes. As a run-of-the-mill human being, experience the consequences of moral errors. Have lapses in judgment.

I’ve never relied on God’s abstract mercy at those times. Leaned into it. Not to get out from under bad behavior, but to accept comfort from the vicissitudes of choice. What makes us human. God’s judgment is no more or less real, or more or less important to humanity, than his mercy.

I’ve thought since childhood that I can feel God as close as my pillowcase because I am a believer, and because I call to Him, and because of my care of obedience. To think that God kept me close all this time because it pleases Him is a revelation.